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reblogged 1 hour ago
30
Jul

rememberingsuunday:

MAYBE IF SOME OF YOU ACTUALLY TOOK THE TIME TO READ JOHN GREEN’S BOOKS INSTEAD OF GOING BY THE OVERUSED QUOTES ON THIS FUCKING WEBSITE YOU’D KNOW THAT LITERALLY NONE OF THEM ARE ABOUT ROMANTICIZING DEPRESSION OR BOYS SAVING GIRLS OR WHATEVER ELSE NONSENSE YOU CAN COME UP WITH JUST SHUT UP ALREADY

via/source ♥ 4,384 notes
reblogged 5 hours ago
30
Jul

camopolarbear:

dear-monday:

Repeat after me: I am a goddess. My spirit is towering, my soul is mighty, my breasts are magnificent and my shoes are super fucking cute.

I felt a little weird saying that as a dude but damn are my breasts magnificent.

via/source ♥ 321,315 notes
reblogged 6 hours ago
30
Jul
(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
(The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)
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reblogged 6 hours ago
30
Jul

ladyblogger-margie:

anna-of-wonderland:

*reads the last line again*

*closes the book*

*deep sigh*

*screams*

*throws book out the window*

*jumps out the window after it*

*writhes in pain while clutching the book*

*cries and rocks it back and forth*

*puts it back down on the shelf*

*deep breath*

*Calls friend* “read this book”

via/source ♥ 190,557 notes
reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul

jibblyuniverse:

derpfire:

jibblyuniverse:

frenums:

things that will always sound sarcastic

  • good for you
  • thanks a lot
  • yeah right
  • nice to know
  • wow
  • way to go
  • totally
  • ok buddy

Not if you say ‘man’ at the end

ok buddy man

I might not have thought that last one through

via/source ♥ 711,665 notes
reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul

jesseplnkmvn:

today i was in hot topic with my mom and there was a bra with Simba on it so I asked her “want a lion king bra?” she said “why would i?” so I put it in front of my chest and said “hakuna ma tatas” she had to leave the store she was laughing so hard.

via/source ♥ 82,413 notes
reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul

whythefuckareyouromeo:

OH MY GOD

SO I LIVE NEXT TO A VERY STRICT, VERY BIG, CHRISTIAN FAMILY AND ALL OUR WINDOWS ARE OPEN AND I JUST SCREAMED “JESUS FUCK” REALLY LOUD AND I HEARD 3 MORTIFIED GASPS FROM OUTSIDE IM CRYING

via/source ♥ 322,371 notes
reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul

sixpenceee:

guykneecologist:

This.

omfg reblogging till the end of time

via/source ♥ 747,728 notes
reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul
via/source ♥ 16,221 notes
reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul
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reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul
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reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul

rapunzelie:

chocolatemermaidya:

rapunzelie:

do you ever feel like there’s just so many pretty girls but most dudes are just subpar like there are radiant goddesses everywhere and just piles and piles of guys in backwards baseball caps and sandals

it’s called makeup

you can put eyeliner on a frat boy that doesn’t change the fact that’s he’s wearing a neon muscle shirt and nike flip flops

via/source ♥ 380,547 notes
reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul

5000letters:

i find it so incredibly attractive when someone is really good at something, like you can play the violin? damn son. you’re a really talented dj? good for you! i don’t care if you talk to me about quantum physics for an hour straight if i can see the passion in you at some point in that hour i’ll think “whoa, this is really hot.” 

via/source ♥ 24,324 notes
reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul

thirstingaintdead:

Thick everything. Thick thighs, thick eyebrows, thick lips. Thick maple syrup on my pancakes, thick everything.

via/source ♥ 52,413 notes
reblogged 1 day ago
29
Jul
shrek's kid: dad... i'm... i'm gay
shrek: well, better out than in, i always say, eh? heheheheh someBODY ONCE
via/source ♥ 72,347 notes
"It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."